I attended Ash Wednesday services yesterday at Ste. Marie’s. This was my first time attending Ash Wednesday services since high school. I went early in the morning before work. It was so cold yesterday morning – probably not above ten degrees. I couldn’t warm up in the church but it wasn’t distracting. When I arrived there were a bunch of (and I hate to use this cliche) little old ladies praying the rosary out loud in French. It was very interesting sitting there listening to the French. I am trying to learn French, refresh my French from when I used to know it a lot better than I do now. I also attempted to fast yesterday, although I don’t know if what I ate constitutes a real fast – a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, two tuna sandwiches in the afternoon and a bowl of soup for dinner.

I am talking with Justin and Angel about a friend of ours who is currently being taken advantage of by his girlfriend, and reflecting on how things have changed for me over the years. I feel like I have gained a lot of respect for myself, a lot more confidence in myself, and a lot more independence compared to the person I was ten years ago. My command of vocabulary is not that great this evening. I find it fascinating how some people seem to arrive to adulthood with confidence and worldliness, while others struggle for a portion of or most of their adult lives without reaching that same level. I have struggled with confidence and self control for a long time. I know a portion of that was due to my depression and not realizing that I had something that could be treated, but I think a part of it was an unwillingness to face some of the hard truths of life. Some days I feel like I’ve made real progress, but there are still days when I feel like nothing has changed. I feel like I am doing more of the things I enjoy while doing a better job at the “chores” of life.